Morning all:

“Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories – those that don’t work, those that break down and those that get lost.” — Russell Baker

Forgotten in the quoted ‘scientific classification’ are laptop computers that, only two days ago, were upgraded with Office Outlook pro 2007. Now that my productivity has been decreased in excess of 50% and realizing that I am facing a 175 degree learning curve, with no end in sight, I feel amazingly euphoric in that I am able to create and publish this post. That calls for a morning coffee refill.

Ok, based on the phone calls and the queries I might as well get right to it. Here goes:

The Test
This week I was under the influence of an evil medical coach who managed the speed and incline control of the treadmill from hell; making me participate in an unwelcome race of desperate futility. Also, it helped explain why I never could master skis and roller skates.

She stood there smiling and rhythmically grunted along with me as my heart was forced from a normal state of bliss to then quickly accelerate and race along at 159 beats per minute. Unlike me, she did not sweat.

But the bottom line is that the lovely Dr. Susan peered dutifully at a stack of folded graph paper. Every swirl and hump generated by each of the ten leads pasted to my chest was reviewed. She then pronounced my heart fit as a fiddle. I now, statistically speaking of course, have a 99% chance of NOT getting a heart attack for a period of one year.

I plan to lay awake nights on end worrying about day 366.

These are crazy times, a bobbing stock market, a war that has turned into an interminable cleanup operation, tax season where for once the whole population sits with their hands out waiting, and then, March Madness.

For any cave dwelling readers here is what March Madness is all about. The top-level College basketball teams – all 181 – play a season. The various conference winners and a few invited ones – a total of 64 teams – are invited to play towards a national championship. Last weekend the 64 were weeded down to 32 teams after round one and then quickly into a group called the ‘sweet sixteen’. This group started playing this past Thursday and has now been narrowed into the ‘elect eight’. Tonight starts the push towards the ‘final four’—“March Madness” says a hyped up media.

Almost a neighbor to me is a smallish Jesuit School, Xavier University—and this year they are in the elite eight. March Madness is a living-breathing thing in our town.

March Madness is rampant at Xavier too. To the point where last weekend they blew up an old building located on some newly acquired property. Truth be told, they imploded an old factory to make way for some expansion projects. Jason, Marin, Adrianne, and I showed up at the crack of dawn to sit in the chill and wait for the event to happen. It was very impressive – for a total of 4 short seconds – then the smoke and dust started to attack. We left.

Now it’s out of here to drop off my completed Tax Organizer with the CPA. It was Albert Einstein who felt that completing tax forms was too difficult for a mathematician and would require a philosopher. So I guess that shortly I will be off visiting my “philosopher”. Actually, I refer to him as my ‘taxidermist’ in that he can usually manage to leave me with a bit of my skin.

Then a quick stop to buy a replacement for a burned out headlight—don’t want to pay the police any additional ‘tax’.

Make it a great week everyone. Be sure to keep your own hide safe and sound.

Cheers,

Dirk